BirthMom Buds Bulletin
June 2008

 

What's new with BirthMom Buds: Just a little note to keep you up to date with all the great things we are doing!
Slideshow ~ We debuted the 2008 Slideshow, A Birthmother's Hope at the Birthmother's Day event in Charlotte, NC. The video is now live so be sure and check it out!
Speaking of Birthmother's Day ~ Our Birthmother's Day Event in Charlotte, NC was once again amazing! Check out Coley's take on the day in the Founder's Corner section below.
Newsletter Writers ~ We are always in need of writers for the newsletter. Email Alicia if you are interested.
Poetry Page ~ There are some broken links on the poetry page. We are aware of them and are working to fix them. If you have any poetry you'd like to share, please email it to BirthMom Buds.

 

Adoption Spotlight: Focusing on any adoption or women's issues related web site, organization,  individual, or issue.

A Full Circle Mentoring Story
by Melanie Mosberg

A note from Coley: The mentoring program was created so that pregnant women considering adoption would be matched with a birthmother who had already “been there, done that.” I love that we now have women who were mentored becoming mentors!

I came to BirthMom Buds in the fall of 2004 while I was pregnant. I applied to the pregnant and placing program to find a mentor.  Coley Strickland, co-founder of Birthmom Buds, became my mentor.  We bonded and she was there for me every step of my adoption journey.

I applied to become a mentor and things came full circle when I received a match to mentor Carolyn in the winter of 2007.  I was able to offer the unconditional support I received from Coley to someone who was beginning her walk through the adoption journey. I recently met Carolyn for the first time at the Birthmother’s Day Celebration in Charlotte, NC.  The hugs, laughter, and tears we shared were bittersweet.

It is truly an amazing experience to give back to BirthMom Buds and mentor other women who are considering adoption.  Please let me encourage all of the birthmothers who are at least one year post placement to consider becoming a mentor.  It is truly a rewarding experience.

To learn more about mentoring a pregnant women considering adoption, read here.
If you are reading and you are pregnant, considering adoption, and would like a mentor, click here.

 

 

 

Ideas and Insights: Some ideas for gifts to your birth child or adoptive parents, creative ways to deal with being a birthmom, insight on things to do or say with your buddy, and ways to shed some light about being a birthmom to those who just don't get it. 

One step forward, Two steps back
By Jamie Barrow

For those of you who know me, you know that my birth daughter, her adoptive family, and I have tried to cultivate an ongoing friendship long after we parted ways from the hospital that spring day back in March of 2006. We have strived to keep in touch through planned and unplanned visits, emails, photographs, letters by mail, and an even an occasional phone call. From what I understand after talking with other birthmothers, we had a tremendous amount of communication compared to most. If my daughter’s mom emailed me, I dropped everything, sat at the computer, and promptly replied back as if it was my only lifeline. If my daughter’s mom suggested that we go to the park or museum together, I did everything in my power, even if it meant rescheduling other things, in order to go.

From the beginning, I felt an enormous amount of gratitude and responsibility knowing that I have been trusted and given this blessing and privilege to have such a relationship to such an extent. I never once wanted to take it for granted. But it was consuming me, being a birthmom had become one of the main focuses of my life.

But then, one day I woke up one day and decided that I no longer wanted to live as a birthmom being the center piece of my life. It was unhealthy for me. Also, around the same time I realized this, my daughter’s (adoptive) grandfather moved in with her family due to health issues and aging. This has taken a top priority and given her mom less time to focus on our relationship. Around the same time, I began school and began seriously dating someone. I realized that it was time for me to move forward and that being a birthmother doesn’t have to be the top priority in my life.

I have felt a little guilty about pulling back somewhat in our relationship. But at the same time, I do feel a little relief and joy to press forward to live a little more of the life that I do have left outside of being a birthmom. I realize that life is just not all about being a birthmom. Neither is life is all about being a mom, employee, boss, wife, husband or whatever role that you have been given. You have to have a healthy balance in all aspects of your life to stay well emotionally, physically and spiritually. If you give all of yourself to one area, then you have nothing else left over to give to another.  

Also in life, just as the wise King Solomon said in the Bible, (paraphrased) “there is a time and a season for everything. There is a time to weep and a time for joy.”  I desperately needed a new season in my life after two years of concentrating so deeply on my birthmom status, so I had to take a step or two back to try to gain some newness of life. This doesn’t mean that I don’t love or care about my daughter anymore, because I do. And it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to continue our open adoption, because I do. It just can not be my main focus anymore.  

So what about you? Do you need a new focus or new direction in your life since being a birthmom? I think most of you would say that at some point of having it be the main focus, that you all of the sudden felt as though you needed a break.

Here are a few suggestions for you if this is the case.

 

 

 

Prayers Please ~ We added this section because so many of you have asked us to remember you or your loved ones in our prayers. We have never wanted to force religion on anyone, so if you don't pray, then skip this section and go on to the next! And if you do pray - add the people listed here to your prayer list. Email Amy with your prayer requests.

"Please continue to pray for my Grandma Ginny who has cervical cancer. Also, please pray for my Daughter's Great Uncle William who is dyeing from MS." ~Alicia Moser

"My God Mom, Cathy, passed away yesterday. Please keep her daughter, Giselle, who is 12 in your prayers." ~ Katie

 


 

Birthday Buds:
 If you would like to have your birthday or your birth child's birthday mentioned in this section, please email the birth date, your name or your child's name, to Amy by the 25th of the month before your birthday. For example, if your child's birthday is  July 21, then you need to email it to Amy by June 25! So email Amy with those July birthdays now!  (Note: You can click on the names below to email them or send an e-card.)

Brenda Land's son, Eric, celebrates his birthday on June 9th.
Our birthday coordinator, Amy Schumaker, celebrates her own birthday on June 13th.
Amber Berryman celebrates her own birthday on June 14th.
Melanie Mosberg celebrates her own birthday on June 18th.  Happy Birthday Melanie!

Founder's Corner: A little section to help keep you up to date with Coley and Lani as they share their lives, their thoughts, and what they're doing with BirthMom Buds.

Dear Friends,

This year's Birthmother's Day event was great. It was held at the Doubletree Hotel in Charlotte, North Carolina. Melanie Mosberg coordinated the logistics, food, etc. and did such a great job, as she always does!

Let me share the details of the day with you......

This year's theme was "beach bash" and I had a great time planning and making the room look as "beachy" as possible. We always start the morning off with introductions and door prizes! And of course a gift for the birthmom who has the youngest child (almost two months) and the birthmom who has the oldest child (20ish.) Oh ya, I can’t forget about the goodie bags! Each birthmom receives a goodie bag when she arrives. This year’s bags were awesome! They were made by an adoptee in honor of her birthmother. (Thank you D!) They had some pretty cool stuff in them too: a message in a bottle, flip flop shaped soap, flip flop shaped gummies, a palm tree shaped chocolate, and more!

After intros and announcements, we went into breakout sessions, pictured at the right. This was a new element I had added this year and was very excited about! I was also a tad nervous since we had never done them before but they went great and I think everyone really enjoyed them. They were told to choose one from Session 1 which was birthmother grief or an open discussion on the feelings surrounding closed adoption, search and reunion and then one from Session 2 which was Journaling or adoption in the Bible. All the breakout session leaders did a great job and it was exactly what I had envisioned. Thank you Robyn, Leslie, Leah, and Cindy!

We always do a craft. This year we embellished flip flops. We actually did this two years ago and everyone loved it so much and it was requested so we decide to do it again since there were only a few people who had been there that year that were in attendance this year. We used fabric or what I call “fluffy stuff” (that fluffy yarn) to make the flip flops cute and girly. It was fun and I really liked seeing all the different finished products.

After craft time, came lunch time. Lunch was a buffet of different types of sandwiches, potato salad, pasta salad, etc. We ate lunch outdoors on the veranda since it was such a pretty day outside. It was nice and relaxing.

Since we were outside, Melanie led the girls in a balloon release. Each girl had a slip of paper and wrote down a prayer for her birthchild and then tied it to the balloon. It was then sent up, up, and away!

After the balloon release, we headed back inside for the “program” portion of the afternoon. I started it off by reading an inspirational selection from the book My Beautiful Broken Shell by Carol Adams. Next, we had several speakers: Melissa Wilson (adult adoptee), Robyn Flint, (birthmother), and Leslie Gallimore (adoption professional.)  Then came the slideshow that I make each year featuring our birthmothers and their children.  And we ended the day with our candlelight ceremony that is always my favorite part just because it is so touching. Each lady shares a prayer, hope, or wish for her child.

Also, at the end of the program, Melanie presented me with a very sweet gift. She had a shirt made for me featuring the BirthMom Buds logo. I LOVE it! (Thank you Melanie!)

I’m always so touched at how appreciative and thankful these birthmoms are of this event. It makes all the hard work worthwhile.

It was a really amazing day and I’m already looking forward to next year!

Hugs,

Coley

 

Inspiration: Little things to inspire a birthmom from poems, stories, and quotes to encouraging words.

Please Understand Why
by Tyleen Caffrey 

My heart is racing, my body’s shaking
and I can’t explain why.
I knew this time would come someday
Why am I nervous, why am I shy?

Patiently waiting, my heart always aching
A secret kept so deep inside
So many nights crying myself to sleep
Staring at the ceiling, wondering why.

So confused, overwhelmed and afraid
I step back into time,
Nowhere to go, no one to turn to
A decision forced to make
Please understand why.

I pray you’re not mad
And that you understand,
So young and scared
Please know that I tried.

Know that I have always loved you
There has never been a day go by,
That I didn’t think about you
You have always been on my mind.

The door is now opened,
No turning back time
I stand with arms wide open
Full body, soul and mind. 

Our reunion is near,
Pains ache as I think
Will you still love me
When we meet?

So I patiently wait,
For a call to reunite
So we can talk
And no more wondering why.

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