Things to Think about Prior to your Hospital Stay

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The labor and delivery and the hospital stay are probably the biggest causes of worry among some potential birthmothers. They worry if they will have time with the baby, how they will feel, how they will be treated by the hospital staff, etc....

Thinking about and preparing for the hospital stay before it happens can help reduce anxiety and calm some of the fears that you as a potential birthmom may have. These are just a few of the issues you may want to think about and plan out prior to your hospital stay.

Hospital Staff
Many birthmothers have reported being mistreated by hospital staff. A woman who is going to place her child for adoption should not be treated any differently than any other new mother, unless she requests it. Some birthmothers have reported that nurses and doctors have treated them rudely or tried to talk them out of adoption!

This is unacceptable! It is your decision to place and you should not have to justify that to hospital staff.

Pleasing the Adoptive Parents
Many birthmothers feel like they have to go out of their way to please the adoptive parents during the hospital stay. Many adoptive parents would like to be there during the labor and delivery since this is something some of them have not experienced before and the only way they will experience it is second hand. Many adoptive parents also wish to be at the hospital so that they can begin bonding with their child.

This is your choice!! If you do not feel comfortable having the adoptive parents in the labor and delivery room with you, then let them know that this makes you uncomfortable. This is a hard and emotional time for you so if something makes you uncomfortable, let it be known!

Making a Plan
It is important that you think about your hospital stay and how you would like to handle things before it occurs. Let your wishes be known to all those involved. A great way to do this is to have an action plan in writing. BirthMom Buds has a hospital action plan that covers all aspects of the hospital stay. It allows you to state all your wishes and have them in writing. You can fill out the adoption plan and share it with the adoptive parents (if you have contact with them before birth) so that they already know your wishes and desires.

Please email BirthMom Buds to request a hospital action plan!

Saying hello before saying Goodbye
It is your decision as to whether or not you will see or spend time with your baby but we highly suggest that you do spend sometime with your baby. Feed him or her, change them, sing to them, rock them - do whatever you feel comfortable doing. For some birthmoms, this is the only time they will spend with their child. Many birthmothers have regretted not spending time with their baby afterwards but we have never come across a birthmother who did spend time with her baby and regretted it afterwards.

Questions to Ask Yourself

Who do I want to visit me? Who do I want to visit the baby? Some moms may wish to have family and friends visit and have a chance to see and hold the baby, while others may want and need time alone

Do I want the prospective adoptive parents at the hospital? Do you want them in the actual delivery room or just in the waiting area? Sometimes this is a hard one, because the adoptive parents may say that it is their only chance to experience a birth. Some moms do not mind this while others may not feel comfortable having other people in the room. Do whatever you feel most comfortable with. You also may want to think about what you would want in the event that a c-section is medically necessary. Most hospitals will only allow one person in the OR during a c section so you might want to have the back of your mind who you would choose if the situation arose.
How much time do I want to spend with my baby? Do I want to hold my baby or feed my baby? Do I want my baby to room in with me? Again, all of this is a person by person choice. Some moms may want and need to say hello to their baby and have the time to hold, cuddle, and feed their baby while others think that would only make saying goodbye harder and opt to spend little or no time with their baby.
Will I name my baby or will I just give my baby the name the adoptive parents intend to use? You will be asked to give the baby a name. You may already have a name selected or you may know the name that the adoptive parents have chosen and give that name for the original birth certificate. Sometimes now in the more open adoptions, birthmoms and the adoptive families may choose a name together.
What mementos from the hospital do I wish to bring home with me and what do I wish to pass on to the adoptive family? Many birthmothers treasure their baby’s hospital bracelets, the cards that were on the crib, and the tiny caps placed on their heads minutes after birth. It is your choice to keep these are pass them on. Many hospitals are more than willing to accommodate adoption situations by providing 2 sets of these keepsake items.
How do I wish to leave the hospital? Many birthmoms have later commented how hard it was to leave their baby behind in the hospital and wish their baby had left first. Others may want to actually place their baby in the adoptive parents arms.
When would I like to sign relinquishment papers? This is something to think about so it doesn’t sneak up on you. The laws vary in each state, so you should ask your adoption agency or attorney for more specifics.