At age 14, making the choice of an adult and not thinking of the consequences, September 11, 2006 would reveal the news that would change my life forever.
Many months went by of me not having my cycles. I had a feeling that something was wrong, but making myself believe I was not pregnant. It just was not an option. I wasn’t showing any signs. I was excited about my new 8th grade year but as the weeks went by friends, other peers, and even teachers were asking me if I was pregnant. It scared me. I told my mom and she made me an appointment on September 11, 2006. When that day came, I found myself sitting in the doctors office praying that I wasn’t pregnant. They called my name and I took the test and waited for minutes, which seemed like hours before the doctor came in. That is when he said, “You’re pregnant.”
I felt scared, sad, upset and other things. My mother cried in anger. I explained everything to my mom and she let me stay in her house. When we got home, my Mom said I was going to have an abortion, but it was too late. I was already five months. I then started going to TAPS. They were nice and I felt comfortable being around girls like me.
When I reached seven months, I made the decision to give my child up for adoption. I knew for a fact that I could not take care of this child. That’s where I met Ms. Rebekah. She explained everything to me, not rushing a thing, and making sure I chose the perfect home for my child. Thanks to this wonderful woman, I did find the perfect family. We set up a date to meet and we did. Everything went great. We then went home. I sat in the car thinking about everything and it didn’t seem real. Everything was going too fast. One thing that was real was that I fell in love with Angela, Robert, and their little girl Amanda. (adoptive parents) Time flew before my eyes and I then found myself calling Rebekah at four o’clock in the morning to let her know it was time. I was scared and in pain. My Mom went ahead and called 911. When I got to the hospital, I got an epidural and could feel my baby moving into position. When 4;40 pm came, Ms. Rebekah came to witness and help me give birth to my now one year old son, Phillip. He was born at 4:49 pm and weighed 4 lbs and 4 ounces and had a head full of hair.
As soon as I saw my son come out of my womb, I cried. My eyes saw everything differently. That night when I was alone in my room, I felt weak. I felt like I was going to die. My blood pressure was very high and I lost so much blood. All I could do was pray as I went to sleep. The Lord knew that it was not my time. I was blessed to wake up the next morning and realized that you should enjoy every minute of life with all the people that you love. I decided then that I wanted to see my son and name him. I held close to my heart, where he will always be.
On my release day, I left the hospital without my son. That was harder to do than being in labor! I cried and was very upset for a long time. With some counseling and a lot of support from the Birthmoms Group, they helped me to see that I wasn’t being selfish and my feelings were normal. I thank all of you and my support team for that.