I live in Illinois and work in Children’s Ministry for a Non Profit organization that brings Christ to kids all across the world. I am the volunteer director for the Children’s Ministry at my church. I have been married to my best friend for 17 years and I have a great 21 year old son.
Days that will live in my heart forever…
In November of 1986, my life changed forever. This was the day that I welcomed my son into the world. His father was there during the very difficult delivery and eventual c-section. He walked into the waiting room yelling to anyone who would listen… “It’s a Baby” to which everyone shouted “Boy or Girl?” On that day, I never in a million years would have thought how my life would be changing.
Three months later I was pregnant again! I remember when I told their Dad he freaked out. We were both the same age, young. When my son turned 6 months, his dad didn’t want to be a dad anymore.
My son was an easy baby, but the minute I left to go to work he screamed. I remember being at work and receiving a call from his Dad. The only thing he said to me was “Get home now or I am throwing this baby out the 3rd floor window”. That was the beginning of the end. I lost everything within a very short time and was pregnant again. I remember so many times running my hands over my belly and not knowing what to do.
Their father didn’t want his dad to know I was pregnant again so, he wouldn’t allow my son and I to enter the home at night. But, he was “kind enough” to let us live in his car. Don’t ask me why I didn’t just walk up to his dad – he was not the easiest person to approach. But, in order to make sure that my son was ok, all blankets went to him. It was sitting in the car on a cold Chicago day that I made the decision to let her go. I couldn’t bring another child into that situation.
September, 1987, my little girl came into the world. My decision to give her up was the hardest decision any woman can make, but I knew that I could live with this. She was born a month early. So, her lungs were not fully developed. After having a child and remembering the joy I felt holding my son, I made the decision not to see or hold her. I knew if I did I would never let her go. However, I also knew before I could sign her away I needed to know she was ok. So, I didn’t sign her away until she was released from the hospital and all medical bills were paid by public aide (I put her on this so that her adoptive parents did not have to pay the huge medical bills). My new year of 1988 was spent signing the papers giving up my rights.
Since this time, I have completed my college education, gotten married (17 years!) and dedicated my life to serving Christ every day.
But, the best part was when I reunited with her and met her Mom and Dad for the first time. We never really know what God has in store for each of us but, life sure is good. When we first met, it was hard to say the least. After many weekend visits, she asked me why I was so reserved those first few meetings. I explained it to her this way. The first time I walked into their home and our eyes met, it was almost as if I traveled back to the time to the day that she was born. All of the feelings that I had blocked out came to the surface. Leaving her house that first time was like letting her go all over again. Watching my Son and her meet for the first time was a new and joyful feeling. But, the fear that this would be the one and only time I would be able to hold her hurt more than anything.
I was so afraid that her parents wouldn’t like me or worse, she wouldn’t. But, God is amazing and with putting my trust and faith in him fully, this has not happened. I have been so blessed by the relationship I have with her, but the best is with her Mom and Dad. They are truly a gift from God.
Right before we met I asked her mom a question that was really bothering me. The question was that for all of the years of her life I have called her my daughter. If I slipped and said my daughter I didn’t want to hurt their feelings. Her Mom’s response was “Nancy, she is your daughter and she always will be”. It was then that I knew that I would have a friend for life in her Mom. And I do!