Hi my name is Natalie and I’m 23 years old. I currently live in Dallas with my husband Tanner. We have two beautiful daughters Roslin and Amelia. I feel very privileged to be a stay at home mom. I enjoy reading and camping.
I was sixteen when I placed my daughter for adoption, it has been by far the most difficult choice I can ever imagine making.
Olivia’s birthfather wasn’t up to the responsibilities of being a dad and he promptly abandoned me. My parents told me that I could have an abortion or I can give the baby up but they wouldn’t be able to support me if I kept the child. I came really close to aborting her. I still remember sitting in that waiting room that was too cold and decorated in gray I bought a Rolling Stone to read although I was too anxious and uneasy for it to keep my attention. I jumped when my name was called and quickly walked up to the receptionist but I just couldn’t make myself walk back “there” it wasn’t the right decision for me. My mom told me that my emotions got me where I was and that I needed to think logically about what to do next. What she said makes sense but adoption is not a logical choice it’s one that is made from the heart.
I spent my pregnancy angry at the birth father. It took me a long time to realize that my being angry at him was only hurting myself. When I was about seven months pregnant I looked at profiles of couples who wanted to adopt and I chose a couple I felt could be the parents that I couldn’t be. They were there for the delivery and were so elated when they saw her and I was happy for them and simultaneously sad for myself. For a long time I was in shock, I cried often but I didn’t allow myself to grieve, not really. I felt it would have been an insult to the grandeur of my sadness to get well.
It’s taken me six long years to learn that you can be at peace and still grieve. I’m now married to a man that has surpassed my expectations of what a husband can be and we have two beautiful daughters Roslin who is two and Amelia who is six months old. Being a mother is a wonderful gift and I’m glad that I choose to help someone else have that experience. Olivia wrote me a letter for the first time last month she wants to meet me. I won’t deny her this request although I find myself both nervous and excited. I have no idea how things will turn out in my life or Olivia’s but I’m ready and willing to find out!