My name is Tracy and I am 34 years old. I am married to a wonderful supportive man, Cory, and we have two beautiful children together Jacob and Justin. My husband and I both grew up in the same small town in northern Minnesota, but now live in western Montana. I like to scrapbook, read, garden, travel, ride bicycle, play with my kids and enjoy every sport there is both as a spectator and as a player.
After high school, in 1988, I moved away from my parents and went to college. During this time I was involved in an abusive and controlling relationship that I had a difficult time ending. After some time I was able to get out of the relationship and I turned into a “party girl” rebelling from any form of control in my life. I worked as a cocktail waitress in a nightclub in Minneapolis and the endless possibilities for a young girl to date, party, sleep around, and get in trouble was just the life style I was looking for. I met my birth son’s father Chris in this stage of my life and we became drinking friends. We were never romantic.
After several months went by, with the encouragement of my parents, I decided that perhaps I was living a little to fast and needed to move back home to northern Minnesota. I packed away my party girl life style and went home for a quieter simpler life. Within a few weeks Chris called and said he was coming up to snowmobile and asked if I wanted to join him. I longed for a little taste of my previous party girl life and willingly accepted his invitation for an evening of fun. One thing led to another and 9 months later in October 1990 David was born. It was the only time Chris and I was together intimately.
At that time in Minnesota open adoption advertisement was not legal. I could not begin to fathom placing this child that I loved in what I recall thinking was a “black hole” and hoping that it would come through with good parents, a good education, a good Christian home, all the things that I wanted for him. I was old and mature enough to realize I couldn’t give him these things because I wasn’t ready to grow up yet. I made the decision to look for another way.
My parents were visiting my brother in Nebraska where he was stationed at the time and saw an advertisement in a newspaper. “Loving couple wants to adopt your baby -please call us at home 1-800-xxx-xxxx” and they brought it home for me We couldn’t believe our eyes. I called the number and talked with an attorney in California who represented several couples who were looking to adopt. They were all willing to have open adoptions and talk directly to me. What a concept!!! The attorney sent me bios and I picked a couple out in mid July 1990. I began to love them as part of my family and included them in every aspect of the pregnancy from then on.
The Road Blocks:
I had previously decided that I was not going to see the baby after he was born. I was confident in my decision, strong and determined, but I truly felt hey why push yourself RIGHT? Well everything happens for a reason and I believe the God’s hand was on me pushing me to see David. After David was born he became lethargic and had several apnea spells in the hospital. They wanted to transfer him to a bigger hospital with a NICU in a larger town about 20 miles away, which of course I immediately agreed to. The NICU Dr. didn’t know about the adoption and prior to the transfer wheeled David into my room and placed him in my arms to reassure me that he was going to be fine. He lovingly told me that as soon as I was released from the Hospital later that morning I could come down to be with him in the NICU. That kind man never knew what a huge favor he did for me.
They people I had chosen to be his parents were here from California and I was secure in the belief that everything was going to be alright. Until the next day. I called the hotel where I had booked a room for them and they had checked out. CHECKED OUT!!!! I called every other hotel in town and they were no where to be found. The hospital said they hadn’t seen them down there either. I called my attorney in California and she told me they had changed their mind. How can this be so? After months of discussions, talking. sharing, laughing, crying I never in a million years expected these wonderful people that I came to love like my own family – that I would lovingly give my son to – to change their mind.
The Happy Ending:
My attorney had already contacted a wonderful couple who she knew would be interested in adopting a child that may have medical problems. Because David’s medical tests on the reasons for the lethargy and apnea hadn’t come back yet she was asking these people to take a leap of faith . Because she knew that my convictions about adoption were strong, she knew I would want her recommendations on another couple. David’s mom responded with a resounding yes that she was interested before she even spoke to her husband. They had already adopted once before David so she knew he would be overjoyed at the chance at expanding their family. The medical tests came back on David and showed that the lethargy and apnea were due to medications given to me during labor and delivery and just needed time to work out of his system. I spent several days in the NICU with David before his adoptive parents arrived from California. I also got a chance to meet them in person and spend some time with them before they took David to California. I maintain a semi open relationship with them today. He is a happy, healthy, strong young man who is being raised by two wonderful people in a Christian home filled with joy and love.