Back to School Birthmoms

by Jenifer Hulbert

Deciding to go back to school can de a daunting task for anyone, especially when you have just placed your child for adoption and are going back to school broken hearted or if you are going back after years of a “hiatus.”

Adoption is a touchy subject and is going to be treated differently by anyone/everyone you come into contact with. I have learned that it’s important not to judge people, because we don’t know their history on why they feel about certain topics that they do. Adoption brings about emotions in people that I never imagined possible. When deciding to go back to school, it can be really difficult.

As a birthmom who has recently gone back to college after 10 years, I think there are some important things to keep in mind. Here are a few pointers as you head back to school:

  • Foundation – It is important to make sure that you have a solid foundation to step back into ‘normal’ life through counseling, support, and information.
  • Positive people – It is important to make sure that you surround yourself with positive people. After my daughters adoption I had people that I thought were my friends, turn out not to be good friends at all. After finding BirthMom Buds and finally being able to connect with others who really knew what I’d been through, I have been able to grow and actually move forward with my life.
  • Be prepared – If you are going right back to school after having your baby, people will have obviously known you are pregnant and may have questions. Be prepared for these nosy questions and think ahead of time what you may want to say.
  • Writing assignments – Occasionally you may have creative writing assignments that may open the door for you to share your adoption experience. Remember you may have to read this aloud and it may be read by many, so only share what you are comfortable sharing with everyone.
  • Achieve your dreams – Perhaps you had to put off your education due to pregnancy, but it’s always good to try and achieve your dreams. Personally, I have finally discovered what I want to do with my life. It’s taken a long time… but I finally know what I want.
  • Online courses – Taking online courses is a great way to ease back into school. The time factor is the greatest part of online courses. I still have deadlines and times to finish assignments, but I can do it on my time throughout the week. Another great aspect to taking an online course that I have discovered is, it’s less intimidating. It can be very tough to decide to go back to school, especially being older. I was proud when I went to the school to get my ID card, but relieved when I didn’t have to step inside of a classroom and face the ‘younger kids’ yet. Due to my major I will have to go back to a classroom setting to complete my degree, but I can get used to teachers, homework and corresponding with other students online first.

Heading back to school has been tough, but having a goal to focus on is helpful. I hope that you can find peace in knowing that you are working for something. Knowing that I have a goal keeps me going. I never got to sit through a long and boring graduation ceremony, due to my pregnancy, but knowing that at the end of this journey I will be able to do that is a true testament to my ‘moving on’ and being able to grow from my past. It is a testament to my daughter and the decision I made 10 years ago, to place her with a loving family for adoption. May you find peace and success in your decision and journey to go back to school!