Finding Hope Again

By Amanda S.

For those of you who don’t know my story, I relinquished rights to my daughter, T, in 2001.  It was supposed to be a semi-open adoption, however it was closed a few years in.  Several years later, much to my surprise (and elation) my daughter pushed to have contact with me!  Prior it had been only with the APs, so this was new territory.  Going through this brought up MANY emotions, both good and bad so I thought it would be a good idea to give you, the readers, some tips on how to handle both an adoption re-opening and first contact with your child (especially when they’re younger).

  • Take time! – Make sure you are okay and have processed feelings BEFORE you write back.
  • Remember your words – Try not to overwhelm your child.
  • Get advice – Have other momma friends proofread your letter – sometimes an outside opinion can make a letter!
  • Make it age appropriate – If your child is still a “child” try not to inundate them with an overload of emotions; it might scare them.
  • Let your child set the pace! – Go off of what they write.  Respect their feelings.
  • Keep up your end! – Try not to lapse too long in contact.  Remember that if they have initiated contact, chances are they want this as much as you do!
  • Realize that your emotions are important! – It’s a bittersweet thing.  Remember to have a good support system to get those feelings out when you get something in.  You’ll need it.
  • Enjoy!