How to Deal with People who don’t Understand

by Raquel Pitcher

Since I placed my son for adoption in September of 2002, I have had to deal with the views and opinions of different people. Some people are sympathetic to my decision and some object and feel that what I did was wrong.

As a birthmother I know sympathy is not what I need. With these type of responses I;

  • Smile, hold my head up and talk positively about my son.
  • Let them know that life without him in my home does not mean life without him in my heart.
  • I include in my conversation that my child is happy, healthy and safe with his adoptive family.

There is nothing more hurtful, after you place your newborn into the arms of his adoptive mother,than to have someone put you down for doing so. To handle these situations, I;

  • Make sure they know that I felt it was the best thing for my child at the time.
  • Explain to them that I will always love and be there for my child even though I am not raising him.
  • I brag about new accomplishments his adoptive parents have told me about him or show off pictures of him.
  • If I am really upset, I might have to avoid them, ignore them, or tell them that I can’t talk at that time.

During the first few weeks, months, or even years you might not know how to tell people you meet about your birthchild. You may not know how to react to their views. It is up to you whether to talk about your adoption or when. Just remember. Never be ashamed no matter what people say to you.