Colleen’s Story

I turned 18 on February 8, 2007. I was sooooo excited to finally be legal but I never thought what was about to happen would ever happen to me!

My friends threw me a birthday party on February 10, 2007 up in Mass. And there was a guy there who I thought was soooo cute and we started to talk and we got to know each other a little bit and we were dancing and yes there was drinking involved. I drank a little too much and things happened between me and this guy. A couple weeks later I got scared to death because I hadn’t gotten my monthly friend and I knew right away that I was pregnant. I was scared to death and all I kept thinking was how am I going to tell my mom?? She’s going to kill me when she finds out.

Well I noticed after about 2 months of being pregnant my mom kept asking me if I was or not and I kept telling her no that I was just gaining weight. I deeply regret not telling her now. When I was 4 months almost 5 months pregnant I went down to South Carolina in early June and I didn’t come back until the end of July. My mom had asked me again before I left for South Carolina if I was pregnant or not and I still told her no. I knew that she knew…I just didn’t know how to come out with “Mom, I’m pregnant.” I was showing at 2 months of pregnancy but I didn’t let anyone else see, I kept it sucked in most of the time. When I came back on July 21st my step-father had lifted my shirt when I got home to supposedly “check my belly for any tattoos or piercings.” I knew right then and there that he knew because my belly button was starting to pop out and he knows I have an innie belly button…I still didn’t tell them I was pregnant. Well on July 24th my mom woke up and came downstairs and I was sitting on the couch and she sat down on the other couch and said “Colleen we need to talk about something.” And all I came out with was I know you guys know and I started to cry so badly. My mom had asked me if anyone else knew about it and I said no. She felt so bad for me because I had to deal with the pregnancy by myself for about 7 months straight. After I had settled down from crying, me and my mom sat at the kitchen table and we talked about my options. I didn’t want to get an abortion because no matter what I wanted to give “it” a chance at life…yes “it”…I still had no clue I was pregnant with twins! I knew I was financially unstable and I wasn’t able to care for a child by myself and I didn’t want to have to rely on my mom to take care of my responsibility. I also didn’t have a job or a car and I still needed to graduate from high school and I want to go to college to become a nurse so I decided that adoption was the best thing to do.

My mom called her doctor and made an appointment and she called for me to get an ultrasound because I hadn’t been to the doctors for that whole 7 months. Then she had called my Aunt Carrie who is also a birthmother to ask for help on adoption agencies. My mom called the adoption agency and made an appointment to meet with a counselor. The next day I went and got an ultrasound. The lady called me into a room and I had to lay on the table and she put that cold goopy stuff on my belly and she started to do the ultrasound and as I was watching the little movements on the TV screen I asked the lady how the baby was and she said, “Oh sweetie, there’s two in there.” I was like what?!? She said you’re having twins! And I just stayed quiet and I thought oh my god how am I going to tell my mom this one. She was right in the waiting room with my aunt Carrie and I remember the lady kept checking my belly and I just looked at her and said please don’t tell me there are anymore in there! HAHA! When she finished the ultrasound she told me I could go back in the waiting room and wait until they call my name again so that I could find out my due date. I went back into the waiting room and my mom asked me how everything went and I was like its twins and my mom was just like what?!? And I was like I’m pregnant with twins and all she said was I know what you mean I just hear bug zappers going off in my head right now. They called my name again and this lady took me into a little office and she told me that my due date was October 31st. She was asking me if I decided on what I wanted to do and I told her how I decided I was going to place them for adoption and she looked at me and smiled and said that I am the smartest teenage girl she has ever met because I wasn’t going to be selfish and keep the babies.

I left there and while we were driving back home I started to cry. I didn’t know how I was going to tell my step-father. He was a twin when he was born but his twin passed away a couple days after birth and his birthday is October 30th…the day before my due date. He was pretty cool with it though he actually got really protective of me. I went to my doctor’s appointment and I heard the twins heart beats for the first time and my heart melted. I couldn’t believe I was listening to my kids heart beats…that’s something that I will never forget the sound of and its something that I will cherish for the rest of my life. I then went and I met the counselor for the Lutheran Services adoption agency. The lady was very nice and she had given me families to look at and she took down some information about me. I had found a couple of families that I liked but they were either already matched or they didn’t want twins.

I was very upset. I told my mom one day when I had gotten told that the family I really liked didn’t want twins that I wanted her to call the lady Jane that found my moms birthmom for her…yes my mom is an adoptee. So she called Jane and told her what was going on and Jane gave my mom the number for Family and Children’s adoption agency and to ask for another lady named Jane. My mom called and talked with her and she came over the house the next day with families that she double checked and made sure that they all wanted twins. I looked through the families and there were two that I liked a lot. There was one family that I wanted to meet but something told me no and to go and meet the other family, Drew and Rachel. So I told my mom I wanted to meet Drew and Rachel and my mom told Jane and we set up a date to meet.

On September 11, 2007 I met Drew and Rachel. I was soooo nervous to meet them…I could just imagine how they felt but I knew as soon as I saw them that they were the ones that I wanted to raise my twins. We all talked for like 3 hours. I loved it and I felt sooo comfortable around them and every time Drew talked my son would kick me in my belly. After we left I called Jane up and I told her that I wanted them to be the parents of my kids. The day after I met Drew and Rachel I went into the hospital because I was getting pains from my lower belly to my back so my mom brought me to the hospital. I was dilated about 2 centimeters so I got put on medicine that stopped contractions and I had to get shots of steroids to help the twins lungs finish developing. I didn’t like having to be in the hospital for a couple days but it was better than having something happen to my lil angels. My step-dad and Uncle Brian had me laughing. They snuck me up soda and cheese-its and pop-tarts hee hee. Drew and Rachel also called me while I was in the hospital to see how I was, which let me know that they not only care about the twins but they also care about me.

After a couple of days in the hospital I was able to go home but I got put on some strict bed rest. I remember I used to like sitting in my room late at night and rub my belly and talk to the twins and tell them how much I love them and why I was making the decision I was making for both them and me. I would also tell them about their mommy and daddy and how much they already cared about and loved them and how good parents they were going to be. I loved rubbing my belly and feeling them move around…if I could go back in time and just do that one more time I definitely would. On October 9th I had a non-stress test at the doctors and that was the best non-stress test I had…the twins did not like the monitors being on my belly and I swear my belly looked like the bottom of an ice cream cone…it looked like one of them was trying to kick their way out of my belly button haha. Well that day my doctor told me I could stop taking that medicine to stop contractions and that he would see me between Monday and Thursday of that upcoming week…when he said that it felt like my heart dropped. I couldn’t believe it was that soon already. Well that’s when October 13th came around. I woke up at 4am with contractions but I didn’t think anything of them because I was getting contractions the couple of days before that so I thought they were just Braxton hicks contractions. So I went back to bed.

Well I woke up at 5am again because of contractions. This time they hurt a lot worse and they were all in my lower back. I tried to roll over to get comfy like that but it didn’t work so I went onto the couch in the living room because I was getting comfy on that for the past couple of days and that still didn’t work. I kept trying to get comfy and walking back in forth in the living room and kitchen but nothing seemed to work. Finally after 2 and half hours I woke my mom up at 6:30am and I told her “I think I’m in labor.” And she knew I wasn’t kidding because I was in tears and I was telling her how bad my back hurt. So she woke up and she called my aunt Carrie to let her know that we might need a ride to the hospital because the babies were coming. My mom got off the phone with her and she called my doctors office and they said they would have a doctor call me back. So after we called them we called Drew and Rachel and we let them know that the babies were on the way!! A doctor called me back and told me to go to the hospital and let them know who I was and that he would call the hospital and let them know I was on my way there. So my aunt came and got me and my mom and we went to the hospital.

When I got there I got put into a room and I had to put on a gown and they had me lay in the bed and they put an IV in my hand and they checked my cervix. I was 3-4 centimeters dilated already!! I was in shock and part of me wanted to break down and cry because I didn’t want it to be over yet. After the nurse checked my cervix she said that she felt one of the babies heads right there ready to come out but that a doctor was going to be in to give me an ultrasound. At about 10:30am a doctor came in…it wasn’t my doctor…but he told me that if both babies were head down I would be pushing them out but if they both weren’t head down I would be getting a c-section. When he took the ultrasound Owen was head down ready to come out and Jennifer’s head was on my right side.

So it was c-section time for me! They gave my mom a cap and gown and booties to put over her shoes…since she was the one coming into the c-section room with me. They got me all ready to go in for the c-section. After I was ready they brought me into the room at about 11:30am to get my spinal block. The spinal block was hard for me. I kept moving so they had to do it over and over but once I got it in my back they had me lay on the table. I got totally shocked because my doctor came walking in the room and he didn’t have to be there because he was supposed to be on vacation so him being there made me feel a little better. They put the blue sheet up in front of my face and they had my mom come into the room and sit by my head while the babies were being delivered. The doctors told me that I would feel pressure but I didn’t feel anything; it was great! There was an anesthesiologist sitting with me by my head along with my mom and he knew about the adoption and he told me how he was adopted and how I was doing the best thing possible for both the twins and for me.

Then the doctors told me that Owen was born. I didn’t hear him crying at all so I started to get worried. I kept seeing my mom look over the side of the blue curtain and then look at me and say everything was ok. I was still worried. Then the doctor said that Jennifer was born and oh man did she come out crying. Everyone said she came out singing and they weren’t lying. She just wanted this world to know that she was here! Owen still wasn’t crying. I found out later that they had to breathe for him for about 6 minutes. That scared me to death when I found that out. But after they were both cleaned and wrapped up, the nurses brought them over to me before they went to the NICU and I got to give each of them a kiss on the cheek. When the nurses brought them over to me I was just thinking oh my goodness! I was amazed that I was looking at what was just kicking me inside my belly. They looked like two precious little angels! Then the twins were off to the NICU and I was put into a room. I was kind of upset that I couldn’t see them for the first day but me being able to give them a kiss on the cheek first will be something that I cherish for the rest of my life. My mom had called Drew and Rachel before I went in to let them know what was going on and they were on their way. When I got put into my room Drew and Rachel showed up and I was sooo happy that they were there. They both went into the NICU to see the twins and when they were done they came back to my room and they showed me some pictures. That meant soo much to me. The next day I was able to go see the twins in the NICU. I could not believe my eyes. They were so tiny and soo adorable. I could not believe that those were the two little things inside me that I fed for 9 months and felt every movement and got to know their personalities over those 9 months. I loved being able to finally touch them. When it was just me in the NICU with them, usually late at night when I couldn’t sleep, I would sit there with each of them and tell them how much I loved them and how much I will always love them. I would tell them how their mommy and daddy was here earlier with them and how much they love them. I loved being able to just sit there rubbing their heads and hands and watch them sleep. That’s something I will never forget.

I got discharged before the twins did but me and my mom would go to the hospital every day and every night to see them. Finally the day came when it was time for the twins to get discharged and it finally hit me that this is all real and that I wouldn’t be able to go to the hospital anymore to see them everyday. When they were getting put into their car seats my heart felt like it dropped and all I wanted to do was cry but I wanted to stay strong. I didn’t want anyone to see me hurting like I was, so I kept a smile on my face.

The next day me, my mom and my sister went to Drew and Rachel’s house to see the twins. I was so happy that I was able to see where they would be raised. They are going to be very happy where they are and I know they are going to have the life that I wish I could give them. A couple of days after that my counselor, Jane, came by and I had to sign the papers to finalize everything. That day was hard for me and I held back lots of tears, but I knew it was for the better. November 15, 2007 was the day that everything got finalized. I felt like I was going to loose my mind that day but I kept in my head that I was being a wonderful mother and I was doing what was best for my kids.

To this day I’m still being judged for my decision but I know in heart I did what was best and no one can change my mind about the decision I made for my kids. My kids will thank me one day because I know they will have a good life, better than what I could have given them. They have a wonderful mommy and daddy and I don’t think I could have picked better parents for my kids. I see the way they look at the twins and I know they love them to death and that lets me know also that I did a wonderful thing and it lets me know how happy my kids are and how happy they will be in life. Everyone in this story has a huge part of my heart and always will.