by Coley Strickland

I wrote this poem a few days after a visit during my post visit blues.

My innocent and sweet baby boy,
I knew you could bring me so much joy.
But you deserved more than just love alone,
So my gift to you was a mom, a dad, and a stable home.

We talked and thought open adoption seemed to be the best,
Little did I know that my soul it would test.
I am told that it was a loving choice,
And I know your mom and dad look at you and rejoice.

We would have the chance to see each other,
And you the opportunity to know your brother.
This seemed to be the best thing for you
I just didn’t know how hard it would be to follow through.

Each visit with you can be so tough
I never knew loving you would be so rough,
I hear you say “Mama” and realize it’s not meant for me
I silently shed tears you can not see.

I watch you playing and walking
I listen as you never stop talking!
We play and have so much fun
But I don’t think you realize you are my son.

Oh no, it’s time to say goodbye
I fight back the tears as I want to cry
The goodbyes are always the hardest part
I always dread them right from the start.

My heart hurts; I love and miss you so
And I wonder if you miss me every time I go.
Between our precious visits and time spent with each other
I hope you will always remember the love of your birthmother.